PornHub Insights “…the world’s kinks are only getting weirder.”
Expert Reporting By Paul Dudar, Esquire
MONTREAL – On Wednesday, the internet pornographic sharing service PornHub made public its statistical data for the first half of 2020 and the results are intriguing. According to Arthur M. Ficus, head of PornHub’s Insights division “…the world’s kinks are only getting weirder.” In years past the top search terms on PornHub were terms like Amateur, Alien, ASMR and Apex Legends… “you know, normal shit,” said Ficus.
“Now we’re seeing new categories that we never had before like ‘dinner party.’ The videos are nothing more than 3 or more clothed couples enjoying a meal at one of their homes. Real freaky stuff!”
Gillian Malcolot, PornHub’s Executive VP in charge of Procurement is beyond frustrated. “We have spent years accumulating the raunchiest material on the internet and it is all for nothing because now our highest numbers are for the hugging videos. Just video after video of friends satisfying their deep need for human contact hugging while fully clothed.” Malcot continued, “…the world is turning to shit. Where my pervs at?”
According to PornHub Insights Division, the top search terms for the first half of 2020 are “handshake”, “browsing retail,” “unmasked”, “paycheck” and “lunch at a pub.” At press time, Ficus was spotted in his office with a belt around his neck while watching a video of a Laguna Beach restaurant reopening after a renovation in early 2019.
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