Rich People To Poor People: “Get More Money”

A recent poll showed that an astounding 94% of people with between “lots” and “really just a ridiculous amount” of cash and assets are completely unconcerned with the trials and tribulations of the ever growing numbers of the down and out. A full 100% saw no connection with their continued, rapid, non stop accumulation of more and more wealth and the decrease of wealth being obtained by people who were not them.

“They should probably get some more money,” suggested one helpful respondent. “I have lots and it’s great. If other people don’t, yeah I could see how that would suck. But they need to find their own. This is mine.”

When asked if they thought their small numbers and massive portion of the total wealth in the world was perhaps one of, if not the, main causes for so many billions of other people being poor, respondents became enraged.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of hippie, commie racket you’re running here, but if you’re talking about wealth redistribution, then you can get the hell out of my country and my face at the same time.  If those people didn’t want to be poor, then they shouldn’t have been born in a poor country.”

When it was pointed out that many people are poor in the same country as the enraged wealthy man, he became more enraged, perhaps revealing his true thoughts:

“Oh yeah, those welfare bums working for minimum wage at the strip mall, like they’re ever going to do anything in life.  Fuck those people.  They’re poor and they deserve to be poor, and aint nobody gonna take my money from me.  I earned every penny and if they want some they can get some of their own.”

When asked how he earned ‘every penny’ of his massive fortune, the respondent, Graham, smiled and reminisced about the good old days.

“Before the housing market crashed I made tonnes of money bundling loans and working derivatives.  It was a cinch!  I became a high ranking financier in no time.  Living the American Dream, making lots of money for myself so I could do what I want, when I want, with no regard for consequence.  Then when my company imploded along with the economy of the world, I took a meager couple of billion for myself and walked away.  Now I mostly buy vintage cars and paint them different colors.  Scotch?”

Government officials appear equally disinterested in helping the increasingly large amount of people with no money get some, and instead are focusing on making sure people like Graham, and themselves, get to keep theirs.

“Listen, let me be clear, here are things we will NOT be doing,” stressed a top White House advisor.  ”Lowering rent costs, raising minimum wage, bending to union demands, keeping jobs here, educating our citizens and making them valuable, providing free healthcare and keeping people alive and healthy… these things are un-American.  Instead, we are going to keep doing whatever people with lots of money tell us to do, with no regard for the people of our country or the world, because they paid for our campaigns.  You people without money, are just going to do nothing like you always do, sit there and accept whatever we tell you to accept.  Just like the constitution says.”

The sentiment is echoed across the ocean in the EU, except the message is backwards.  Top EU officials released a joint report recently that says: “Look, we tried helping people… it doesn’t work!  They don’t want to be helped.  Time to start peeling back all of those silly frivolous things that made us such a socially enviable society, because let’s face it, the money isn’t there.   We just kind of made it up!  There isn’t enough money to go around and make everyone happy, so let’s just go back to the way things used to be, we’ll give a few people all of it, and then everyone else can bugger off and fight for the scraps.  You know, that whole trickle down thingy.  Poverty has led to some great things you know.  Most of the best music and art tends to rise out of oppressed and impoverished people.  So let’s not just focus on the bad side shall we?”

One thing can be assured.  If you have no money, you aren’t getting any more any time soon, so I’d suggest getting used to it.  If you do have lots, consider yourself what you are, a king among men.  A true hero.  Someone to be admired, to be worshipped, to be praised.  Someone who has, does, and will continue to do whatever you please, however you please, whenever you please, wherever you please.
And a pox on those who aren’t you! Literally.

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